NUPTIAL GUIDELINES

MOTHER OF DIVINE MERCY
SWEETEST HEART OF MARY &
ST. JOSAPHAT CATHOLIC CHURCHES

Business Office
4440 Russell Street
Detroit, Michigan 48207-1015

OFFICE: (313) 831-6659
FAX: (313) 831-8522

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PLANNING YOUR WEDDING CEREMONY

Congratulations! On behalf of Mother of Divine Mercy Parish Pastoral Staff & Wedding Coordinators, we would like to extend to you our best wishes and God’s blessing on your engagement. We all hope to be able to help you in any way we can as you prepare to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony.

This booklet was prepared to inform you about the preparation process that you are about to begin, and to help you plan your wedding ceremony. Please take time to read through the entire booklet before calling to set a date for your wedding.

SACRAMENTAL MARRIAGE IS DIFFERENT

What do we mean by Marriage as a Sacrament? Because the Church sees marriage as a Sacrament, we have a particular view of this action – different from the way others may view marriage. Because of our unique view of marriage as a Sacrament, our approach in helping prepare for marriage may seem to some to be lengthy and somewhat involved. We do not see it that way.

Basically, we mean that God is involved in a special way. It is not just the two of you who have decided upon this relationship. It means that God is calling you to this relationship. And for what purpose? God is saying two things to you at this point in your lives.

First . . .

God is asking that your relationship of love be a model for other believers. Your marriage is to be a model for the rest of the Church. When people look at the two of you, they should get an idea of how all those who believe in Jesus (what we call the Church) are to relate to Jesus himself. In other words, the love, joy and intimacy that you two share is the same kind of love, joy and intimacy that the whole Church is to share with our Lord and Savior, Jesus of Nazareth.

This means that everyone is involved. It is not just the two of you! It is also not just your family and friends who are involved. All of the believers in the community of faith are involved. The Sacraments belong to all of us who are the Church. They are meant to strengthen all of us. What happens between the two of you affects all of us! It may not seem like that is the case. How can a stranger be affected by your marriage? As baptized members of the Church, we choose to believe that it does.

So your Sacramental Marriage involves the direct activity of God and directly affects God’s People, the Church. Your marriage is a CALL from God to grow closer to the Church and in growing closer to the Church to care about its members and, in the name of Jesus Christ, to help them.

Your marriage, simply put, is not a private affair!

As the pastoral staff & coordinator volunteers of this parish, we are not acting on our own. We are acting on behalf of the Church, the People of God, all during the preparation as well as at the time we witness your marriage vows at the wedding ceremony itself.

Because of what has been stated, it is an expectation that one, or both parties, be active in the faith and that this is evident through REGULAR attendance at Sunday Mass and through registered membership in a parish community.

Simply put, to witness to a Community of faith to the love of Jesus, you must see yourself as a vital part of that Community, and you must have a commitment to the Community.

That, in brief, is what distinguishes Marriage in the Catholic Church from all other forms of Marriage.

Second . . .

TAKING YOUR PLACE IN YOUR PARISH COMMUNITY

1. According to Church Law, only the priests of the parish of the bride or the groom are authorized to preside over weddings of members of their parish. Anyone, or anyplace else requires special permissions. Because of this, either the bride or the groom must be a registered member of a Roman Catholic Parish. REGISTRATION UNDER A PARENT’S NAME DOES NOT SUFFICE! Because you are old enough to consider marriage, you are also old enough to be a member of a parish on your own! If you are not registered as a member of Mother of Divine Mercy Parish, a letter from the pastor of the Roman Catholic Parish you are registered in, stating you are a parishioner in good standing and granting his permission for you to be married by the priest at one of our churches will be required.

2. Wedding dates and times are assigned on a “first come, first served” basis. Once we have determined your requested date and time is available, we will hold the date for 30 days, at which time you must submit your $500 security deposit, preliminary registration form, signed contract, and Priest Permission Letter.

3. Under normal circumstances, weddings are usually celebrated at Sweetest Heart of Mary on Saturdays at 11:30 AM, 2:00 PM or 4:30 PM and on Fridays at or after 2:00 PM.

4. Due to the penitential nature of the Lenten Season, weddings are not permitted during Lent (from Ash Wednesday through Easter Sunday, inclusive.) No weddings are permitted during Advent.

5. Upon scheduling your wedding with the Parish office, a $500 security deposit must be paid by cash or check. This will be refunded after the ceremony by mail to the couple provided the church is left in order, nothing has been broken or been tampered with and all guidelines have been followed, including guidelines for photographers & videographers. Deposit is not refunded if wedding is cancelled six months or less prior to your wedding date. The full amount required for your wedding must be paid 30 days before your wedding day along with the organist and priest fees. The wedding ceremony WILL NOT take place until these payments are made.

6. Every couple will be required to sign a contract stating they have read the Nuptial Guidelines book and agree to follow the church’s rules. This contract is at the back of this book and must be returned to the parish office within 30 days of booking your wedding.

REQUIRED DOCUMENTS

1. Please bring a recent copy of your baptismal certificate (issued no earlier than six months prior to your wedding date). It is your responsibility to procure this document from the church of your baptism. For those baptized at one of the two churches in our parish, your records are already on file and this is not necessary.

2. A Marriage License is required for all marriages. Please bring all copies of your license and return envelope to the Parish office no later than 1 week before your wedding.

3. Both parties must be legally free to marry under Church and civil law. Since marriage is a permanent bond, any previous marriage, no matter where or how celebrated, must be reviewed with the pastor. No date will be set until all previous marriage situations are resolved.

INTER-FAITH MARRIAGES

WITH OR WITHOUT MASS

Marriages in the Catholic Church are permitted with persons of other faiths or un- baptized persons. These marriages require a dispensation from the Archbishop. The dispensation may be granted only after the Catholic party declares that he or she is prepared to remove the dangers of defecting from the faith and makes a sincere promise to do all he or she can to baptize and raise their children Catholic. The dispensation must be signed by the Catholic party and is binding in conscience. In such circumstances, a ceremony without Mass is strongly recommended. In this way, family and friends who are present, and who do not share our faith, are not placed in an unnecessary predicament regarding Holy Communion.

GUEST PRIESTS OR MINISTERS

We strongly encourage you to bring your own Priest. They will be given appropriate delegation to preside over your marriage ceremony. Because they will be directly involved in the process, they will be expected to take care of the needed meetings, planning and paperwork usually done by the parish priest. Visiting ministers from other Christian denominations are also welcome and arrangements can be made to enable them to share in the ceremony. All Pre-Cana files are to be received by the Parish office no later than 30 days prior to the wedding for proper handling.

The Necessary Steps to Your Marriage

1. After your initial contact with the wedding administrator to discuss the preferred date for your wedding, the Pre-registration Form, security deposit, Priest Permission Letter and signed contract must be sent to the parish office within 30 days to secure your wedding date.

2. After your wedding date has been confirmed, 6 months before your wedding date you must make an appointment with the pastor of your parish to complete and sign the Archdiocesan A-Form. At this time, necessary dispensations will be applied for. Baptismal information for both parties will be needed for this appointment. If there has been a previous marriage, annulment decrees will also be necessary for this meeting.

3. All candidates for marriage are required to take a premarital inventory, which is a tool that measures agreement and disagreement on a number of topics important to healthy communication in marriage. You will schedule this with your priest on your first visit.

4. Once you have completed your wedding preparation and classes, you must schedule an appointment with the pastor if he is doing your ceremony by calling the rectory; you will plan your wedding ceremony with the priest. If you are being married by a visiting priest, it will be necessary to meet with him to plan the wedding ceremony and to inform him of any pertinent rules for weddings in our church. No wedding will take place if all marriage preparation has not been completed.

5. Rehearsals are scheduled through the parish wedding administrator. They are usually scheduled 6 months before your wedding day, and are usually held a day or two before your wedding. For weddings at Sweetest Heart of Mary, please inform your party that only the courtyard doors of the church will be opened for rehearsals, and that parking should be in the back lot (gate on Canfield Avenue). Rehearsals MUST start on time as often another rehearsal follows. Failure to have all parties ready to begin the rehearsal on time may result in not completing the rehearsal. Our coordinators are all volunteers. Their time is valuable and they are not required to wait for late guests to begin the rehearsal. They will rehearse you, and will also assist you on your wedding day. Approximately one month prior to your wedding, you will receive a 2-page form, or a link to an online form to complete to assist the coordinators with your rehearsal and wedding. Please complete the form, (and if done on paper, scan and return as an email attachment to the Parish Office) as soon as possible. Programs and Unity Candles should be brought to rehearsal; coordinators will set up the candle on your wedding day.

Please be aware of seasonal road construction, etc. and plan to arrive at church one hour before the wedding. No food or drinks are permitted in the church. Gum is NEVER allowed in the church. The drinking of alcoholic beverages is NEVER permitted on church property.

Before the Ceremony Begins

The wedding ceremony is the celebration and reception of a Catholic Sacrament. It is not a theatrical performance, a concert or a statement of social status. Please avoid anything that would compromise the religious nature of the ceremony.

Church Decorations

Due to the ornate nature of our churches, decorations are not needed; however, if additional decorations are desired, please follow these guidelines. Flower arrangements may be placed on either side of the altar or the tabernacle. Stands can be provided for this. Seasonal decorations in the church WILL NOT be changed or removed. If the unity candle is to be used, it is arranged on the table on the left side of the altar; NEVER on the altar! Garlands, or pew ribbons, may be fastened by rubber bands only. No tape, wire, tacks or staples are allowed; and absolutely no petals, flowers or anything else may be strewn on the floor by flower girls or ring bearers. All decorations must be promptly removed after the wedding ceremony or they will be disposed of by the church. Flowers placed on or at the Altar stay at church unless other arrangements have been made previously. Do not bring them if you need them elsewhere. PLEASE be certain to inform your florist of these church rules!

Photographer/Videographer

The photographer and videographer must remain as unobtrusive as possible during the ceremony. Generally speaking, photographers and videographers are asked to remember that they are there to capture the wedding sacrament, not to intrude upon it nor to be a distraction to those in attendance. With adherence to some simple guidelines, this can be easily achieved. Coordination of photography and videography will be done through our Music Director, who will be asking for contact information necessary to connect with them. Before the wedding, photographers and videographers will be sent our complete guidelines of which areas of the church are available to them before and during the ceremony. Any questions regarding these guidlines should be directed to the Director of Music or the Wedding Coorinators. Custom in-house videography is additionally available through our Music Director and information will be given at the beginning of the planning process.

THIRTY MINUTES after the wedding will be allotted for pictures in the front of the church. NO posed photography should take place until after the procession has completed and the wedding ceremony has concluded.

Under no circumstances are drones allowed. You could forfeit your deposit if all guidelines are not followed by your videographer and photographer.

General Policies

Our church buildings are all over one hundred and thirty years old. Restrooms were not installed in our churches when they were built long ago. In fact, the faithful worshipped in our church and were married without the luxury of bathrooms for the first century of the church’s existence. We now have restrooms in the vestibule of our churches. We do not have a bride’s room at either of our churches. Therefore, brides and their attendants are expected to arrive at the church fully dressed for the wedding ceremony. This includes cosmetics. The bride WILL NOT be permitted to seclude or “hide” herself in the ladies’ restroom as your guests may need to use it and all in the church MUST have access to the restroom at all times. We have a small portable privacy screen that can be used if you wish to remain unseen before your wedding.

Catholics are forbidden to practice superstitions and to believe in “good” or “bad” luck. This is in direct opposition of the First Commandment, and a sin. Therefore, it is highly discouraged for the bride and groom to hide from each other before the ceremony. In fact, the ritual books of the Catholic Church strongly recommend that the bride and groom, themselves, should together welcome their guests to their celebration before the ceremony begins. This practice makes a receiving line after the ceremony unnecessary. It is also not permitted nor practical. Greeting your guests as a couple is not mandatory practice in our parish.

The Wedding Liturgy begins when the priest enters the sanctuary. Once again, the ritual books of the Catholic Church call for the priest and altar server (if you are providing) to come to the vestibule of the church and to greet both the bride and the groom! The priest and server then lead the couple together to the altar. They are followed by their witnesses, attendants and parents. Although this procedure is not demanded in our church, it is important that the couple keep this model, the Church’s ideal, in mind.

It IS permitted for the attendants to process to the altar before the bride, who may be escorted. Only the bride and groom, and their witnesses, are seated in the sanctuary. The details of the entrance procession will be confirmed with the wedding coordinators at the time of the rehearsal.

Scripture Readings for the Wedding Ceremony

There are three scripture readings during the Wedding Ceremony, whether the Sacrament of Matrimony is celebrated at Mass, or outside of Mass. The first reading is taken from the Old Testament, the second comes from the New Testament, and the third reading comes from the Gospel.

Between the first and second reading, the Minister of Sacred Music leads the community in the singing of an appropriate Psalm. The couple to be married is encouraged to choose all three readings from the selections found in the “Together for Life” booklet (and listed on our webiste), which should have been given to you when you started your wedding prep.

They are also encouraged to invite someone to read during the ceremony. Generally, the reader chosen should be Catholic, but he or she must be comfortable reading in public, and have the skills necessary to do so. One person may be chosen to read both readings, or two persons may each read one reading. The Gospel is always proclaimed by the Priest/Deacon.

Prayers of the Faithful

These prayers/petitions are found in the booklet together with the scripture readings and should include the Church, Local Officials, needs of guests/congregation, the couple, and deceased. A reader may also be chosen by the couple.

Presentation of the Gifts

After the altar is prepared, the priest will come to the communion rail to receive the gifts of bread and wine. Two persons should be chosen to bring up the gifts. Any other persons chosen are simply honorary and carry nothing.

The Rite of Marriage

The rite begins with the Statement of Intentions by the couple.

Exchange of Consent or Wedding Vows

The wedding vows are either memorized and recited by the couple, repeated after the priest in phrases, or obtained through questions by the priest. Please inform the priest of your choice of method immediately before the ceremony. The vows are followed by the blessing and giving of the wedding rings.

The Vows

I, name, take you, name, to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

The Exchange of Rings

Name, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Lighting of the Unity Candle

Use of the unity candle is optional. Its origin is NOT found in the Catholic Church. If the couple chooses to light a unity candle, this takes place after the giving of wedding rings. The church provides a table on the left side of the sanctuary for the unity candle. It may NEVER be placed on the altar! Typically the individual candles are lit by the mothers of the Bride/Groom during the procession. The lighting of the unity candle should not be a drawn out part of the liturgy, and there is no specific music chosen for this moment, though the organist will play something soft as the candle is lit.

HOLY COMMUNION

Holy Communion is distributed to the Bride & Groom, Best Man & Maid of Honor in the sanctuary while kneeling. The bride and groom are the only ones to receive both the Body and Blood. Attendants who are not Catholic should be instructed beforehand that they may not receive Holy Communion.

Flowers for the Blessed Virgin Mary

Flowers may be presented at the altar of the Blessed Virgin Mary by both the bride and the groom. This is done after the post communion prayer. Once again, this is not a prolonged part of the ceremony. The couple should remain at the altar long enough to offer a short prayer. The focus of the prayer is traditionally for Mary’s assistance in being a good wife and mother, and for the blessing of children. Musical selection, again, should not be prolonged at this point. Typically the singing of an “Ave Maria” is sufficient and brings beauty to that moment. This will be planned with our Music Director.

Final Blessing and Presentation of the Couple

When the couple returns to the main altar, the final blessing is pronounced and the couple is presented for the first time as man & wife. They may kiss, and should then lead the wedding party down the main aisle, turn left and circle back to the front of the church from the side aisle. All guests that are not included in photos should exit the church at this time. Receiving lines are not permitted; nor is the throwing of rice, birdseed, bubbles or anything else!

The wedding party should return to the sanctuary promptly as only 30 minutes will be permitted for photographs. Weddings must start promptly when scheduled. A late start will forfeit time for photographs after the ceremony, especially if Mass or another wedding is scheduled afterward. It is recommended that photographs be taken before the ceremony when possible. Guests remaining for photographs are kindly asked to behave appropriately and quietly. Once your 30 minutes of picture taking is completed, you will be expected to depart the premises.

MISCELLANEOUS GUIDELINES

  • ABSOLUTELY no food or drink is permitted in the church at any time!

  • Chewing gum is NOT allowed during the rehearsal or the wedding ceremony.

  • The use of alcohol on church property will not be tolerated, and constitutes the immediate cancellation of the ceremony!

  • Horse drawn carriages may be used to arrive or depart from the church. You are responsible for any necessary clean-up.

  • It is the couple’s responsibility to inform participants in the rehearsal and wedding ceremony that parking is available in the back parking lot only, and that the entrance is on Canfield Avenue. There is absolutely no parking in the Senior Citizen apartment lot on Russell, across from Sweetest Heart of Mary; they will have cars towed. Please put this in your wedding invitation.

  • Wedding ceremony booklets are not mandatory, but do help your guests to participate more fully in the ceremony. If you choose to have them for your wedding, please assign someone to hand them out as your guests arrive. It is also a good idea to run the program by our Music Director before going to print for accuracy.

  • If you choose to have flowers for the bridal party and guests at the church, please provide someone to distribute them. Absolutely no rice throwing or bubbles after the wedding for safety reasons.

  • Runner in the middle aisle is not permitted.

  • Flower girls and ring bearers must be at least 5 years old; if they are younger, they must be accompanied down the aisle by an older person.

  • All paperwork, fees and marriage license must be in the office 30 days before your wedding date.

  • Failure to follow our rules may result in losing your deposit.

Music at the Catholic Wedding

One of God’s greatest gifts to us, His creation, was the gift of song. In words and music, our ancestors in faith have taught us how to revel in God’s infinite love, proclaim His glory, give thanks for His abounding generosity, and plead for mercy and forgiveness. Music does not “accompany” the Holy Mass; it is an integral part of it. The music selected for Holy Mass should possess, in the highest degree, the qualities proper to the Sacred Liturgy. The Sacrament of Marriage is part of the public and official worship of the church, and therefore the guidelines that pertain to Holy Mass equally pertain to all weddings in the church. Pre-service music may be non-religious with the approval of the parish music director, but must be in good taste and appropriate to the space. While there is absolutely room to personalize the music, to make it unique to the Holy Mass where you will be married, it must always be for the glory of God and the sanctification and edification of the faithful, not only an expression of human love. The introduction into the celebration of anything that is merely secular, or which is hardly compatible with divine worship, under the guise of solemnity should be carefully avoided. Fortunately, there is a vast treasure of classical and sacred music to choose from to make the experience of getting married in the church a beautiful, meaningful and spiritually uplifting experience!

The adherence to these musical norms is not always consistent from church to church. Examples can be found for just about any deviation from proper musical selection, but Mother of Divine Mercy Parish is fully committed to authentic worship in our churches. We expect that all guests will respect this and choose music accordingly.

The parish employs a Music Director who supervises the entire liturgical music program. He is the primary musician for all parish liturgies, and has the responsibility for music at all weddings, and will guide you every step of the way to choosing the music for your wedding! You will be contacted at least three (3) to six (6) months prior to your wedding by the Music Director, who will discuss with you the musical options for your wedding. If you have not heard from him by this time, feel free to reach out directly. In this initial contact, more detailed information about the process of music selection will be given, including the structure of the Mass/Service and where music is needed and appropriate. Our Music Director is charged by our parish Pastor to oversee all music that takes place in our churches, and is therefore responsible for any, and all decisions as to the appropriateness of musical selections and his decision in final.

If you would like to include additional musicians (ie, soprano vocalist, violin, etc.), the parish Music Director has many connections in the area to the most exceptional professional musicians who are experienced in working in the unique acoustical environment of our church. If you wish to invite your own additional musicians, they are welcome in our churches, they MUST work through and be approved by the parish Music Director. There is an additional fee for working with these musicians, as well as if any rehearsal is required. More detailed information will be provided by the Music Director when you begin planning.

We do not allow guests organists under any circumstances.

You will be contacted roughly one week prior to the wedding day with a final confirmation of musical choices. This is the LAST opportunity to make any adjustments, and no deviations, out of respect for the musician(s) will be allowed after that point.

The current fee for the services of our parish Music Director should be discussed with him directly. He can be contacted at: music@motherofdivinemercy.org. At the start of the musical selection process, a deposit of $100.00 is required; the balance being due one week prior to the wedding. If payment is not made at this time, there will be no music at your wedding liturgy.

The fee for the Music Director is increased for Holiday weekends.

ATTIRE

1. Mother of Divine Mercy requires modest garments. Please do not include plunging necklines, sheer panels, deep-back gowns, bare shoulders and high slits when choosing a bridal or bridesmaids gowns.

2. Male attendees MUST remove their hats upon entering the church. If they do not remove their hat, they will be asked to do so. Failure to comply, they will be required to leave the church.

SUGGESTIONS FOR YOUR REHEARSAL

Please invite ALL participants of your Bridal Party to the rehearsal. This includes your readers (1st, 2nd and Prayers of the Faithful) and those bringing the offertory gifts. If you are bringing your own officiant for the ceremony, it is strongly recommended they also attend the rehearsal due to the individuality of each priest’s/deacons officiating style and ceremony needs.

Confessions may not be heard at your Rehearsal – timing does not allow for that. Your officiant should plan to be at the church the day of the wedding no later than ½ hour before the ceremony time.

  • Unity candle (if using and not prepared by your florist)

  • Programs (if using), which will be distributed to your guests by your ushers or groomsmen. They should be placed in the pew near the side door of the church.

  • PLEASE BE PROMPT – OUR COORDINATORS ARE ALL VOLUNTEERS

  • If any of your bridal party is unavailable for rehearsal, please be sure to let your coordinators know so they can approach them the day of the wedding to go over any function(s) they will be performing. Absent participants should plan to arrive for the wedding no later than 45 minutes before the ceremony.

  • Please advise your guests ahead of time where they should park for both the rehearsal and the wedding.

  • Please decide if you will be staying within the sanctuary to exchange the sign of peace with your maid of honor and best man only, or leave to also extend the sign of peace to your parents.

ON THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING

  • The bride will be coming into the church at the front doors. The vehicle should be staged outside the front doors during the ceremony.

  • All flowers distributed before the ceremony (boutonnieres, flowers for Mary, etc.) need to arrive ½ hour before the ceremony time and staged in the front door vestibule of the church. If you are bringing programs, please have them ready to distribute at the side door so guests can have them for the ceremony when they arrive at the church.

CONTRACT

Before your wedding date can be confirmed, we as that this form be printed, signed, and brought to the church office. It is meant to confirm that everyone understands the guidelines for getting married in our Parish. With everyone adhering to the same set of expectations, the day will go as smoothly as possible!

Mother of Divine Mercy
Sweetest Heart of Mary Catholic Church
Business Office for the Parish

4440 Russell Street at the corner of East Canfield Avenue
Detroit, Michigan 48207-1015
Telephone: 313-831-6659

FAX: 313-831-8522

St. Josaphat Catholic Church
619 East Canfield Avenue at the Chrysler Freeway
Detroit, Michigan

Pastor: Rev. Gregory Tokarski
motherofdivinemercy2@gmail.com

Parish Staff
Office Hours: Tuesday-Friday
9:00am – 4:00pm

313-831-6659

parishoffice@motherofdivinemercy.org
weddings@motherofdivinemercy.org
music@motherofdivinemercy.org

Wedding Scheduling – 586-206-1351

Guarded Parking